But God is still faithful. I've had a lot on my mind recently. My husband and the ministry, our son that we miscarried at 18 weeks, and the fact that after my second child I did one of the biggest things that I will regret, I had a tubal ligation. Today, I wish I had never had it. I wish that I had just spoken up and said "NO I don't want it". But I was too scared of what everyone would think, I had been in so much pain and I had already told everyone that I was going to have it. That was the worse mistake of my life. Now I wish that I could have one more child. Actually I really would love to have six or seven but one would be a miracle. I have been so sad lately thinking about why I did that and the fact that I can't have them anymore. Unless the Lord intervenes, two is all I'll ever have. I ask everyone who reads this to pray for me. This is a hard thing to go through. I feel worthless as a woman. I feel that I have missed out on what all these other mothers have the privilege of having in their lives. I know that there is a reversal option out there but we can't afford it right now. So everyone pray for me that the Lord will help me to get through this rough time and that if the Lord will, that he would somehow choose to let me bear a child one more time, even amidst my ignorance and mistake. Thank you...I must go. I'm getting too emotional to be any good right now.
Jenn
1 comments:
Jenn, I can understand a lot how you are feeling. We had problems conceiving to begin with so our children are spaced 4-5 years apart. Three months after I had our third child we were surprised to learn we were pregnant again. Unfortunately it was a tubal pregnancy. The worst part about that is I felt like no one cared that I lost it except my mil. In fact my mil was the only one who remembered when my baby would have been born and the only one who remembered when my baby would have had a birthday.
Then a year or so later I was having issues with my blood pressure. The doctor told me it would be easier to take care of my blood pressure if they knew I would have no more children so it was decided to have the tubal ligation. That was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make and I mourned it for a long time.
Perhaps if you have trouble getting through this time, you may want to seek help from a counselor. Depression is a hard thing to pull out of. I will be praying for you!
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